omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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