5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She announced her abortion via fbk
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
