im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
