My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
