He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
