I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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