im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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