So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
