Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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