She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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