well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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