I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
is wine microwaveable?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
