Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
