Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
