dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
