I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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