i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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