Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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