The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
