i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
