friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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