hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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