I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
