Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
