white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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