He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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