if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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