So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
