You can't motorboat a personality
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm always down for nudity.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
