low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
