I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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