im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
