I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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