five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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