Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize