sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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