Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I enjoy the company of your penis
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
