I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
