It's like a parade of train wrecks.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
