i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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