I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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