he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
