I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
