I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
