I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize