I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
