He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
