She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize