Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
