I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
