At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
