as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
whose ass print is on the piano?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize