just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I fill condoms, not promises.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
