Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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