I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
