i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
