So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
