Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
