She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize