and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize