the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
