She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
