I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
