How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
