and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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