i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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